I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
