She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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