$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
