My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
