there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize