ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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