I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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