She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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