I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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