It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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