you thought your balls were fighting each other...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
