I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
