I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
