Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
