my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
