I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
