3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
