My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
