yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I smell like Dick and happiness
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