So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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