Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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