i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
