When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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