so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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