my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize