My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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