Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
