Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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