Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
