a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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