the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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