So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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