So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
