just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
