I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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