Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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