I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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