wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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