4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
