I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
