the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
