So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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