You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
