you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
