Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
