I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
