Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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