So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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