I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
