when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
