There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
