its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
