A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
