then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I deserve this hangover.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
