i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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