i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
