C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
