her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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