Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
