I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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