The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
