He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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