You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
