I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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