So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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