Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
