You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
